Extroverted, Hooping, and Social Anxiety

I wanted to write this to examine some strange and somewhat contradicting facts about myself. I am trying to find solace and therapy in my writing lately. I began keeping a journal of my most private thoughts as well.

A photo of me hooping at one of my favorite places

I am an extrovert. If you look it up, you will find that means I need to be around people to feel good and focused. The more people I am around and the more often, the better. Some people are the opposite, called introverts. This means they cannot be around many people for too long or they are drained of energy and unhappy.

Lately, I haven't had people to spend time with and it is taking a huge toll on my mental state and happiness. I feel empty because people fuel my energy. I don't have a large number of people to choose from where I live. I especially don't have many available people that share my interests that live in my city. I spend most of my time in my small house with my introverted husband. We've been together for over 10 years and married since 2011. He does not like being around people or having people over at our house, he has severe allergies and asthma and does not leave the house unless it is very necessary. I love him but he does not provide the energy fuel I need from people. He usually can't handle my high energy and intense presence. I have to leave my house to get what I need as an extrovert. Having severe depression and anxiety makes all of this even harder to deal with. People really do help me when they take the time to make plans and be there for me. It just doesn't happen as often as I need.

I am also a hooper. I like to take my hoops most places I go. When I hoop by myself, I am hooping alone. Extroverts are not happy alone and that is just how it is. Therefore, I usually only want to practice hooping and other things when I am with other people. I need feedback, communication, and a face to look at. I like to laugh and smile and be part of something outside of the walls of this house. Even hooping in front of a camera is better than hooping alone. I can upload it to be seen by people online. It just isn't the same, though. I would always rather be with other hoopers to share my experience.

A contradicting aspect of my extroversion is that I have social anxiety. It is actually somewhat common for extroverts to have social anxiety. Hooping definitely helps with this because I can be around people but don't have to be too close. I don't have to deal with many awkward silences or moments of "what now"?  I can just pick up my hoop, turn the music on, and be happy. Many people think I am just a selfish person for always having to bring things to do rather than being with them and being okay with just sitting and talking. I can sit and talk to people, but I need to get up and move too. I have a difficult tendency to have to control my environment. If I am invited to something I know I won't feel comfortable at, I sometimes just don't go. If I am invited to an event with activities (such as badminton or hooping), I usually want to go. I normally prefer places that will have alcohol because it soothes my social anxiety and really helps me. I found this thread to be interesting, someone speaking about how they are extroverted with social anxiety:   http://www.democraticunderground.com/11513798

If you are a hooper, an introvert, or an extrovert, or if you have social anxiety, depression, or general anxiety, I am interested to know more about you and how your life is going. We may all learn from each other. Feel free to comment or contact me.